This year, William Jewell College celebrated a special occasion. The 2016-2017 school year marks the 17th anniversary of students pretending fraternity parties are enjoyable. The turn of the century, aka when it became acceptable to throw 90’s themed events, did a damper on the night life of Jewell.   

At Jewell fraternity parties, students gather together in the smallest spaces of the frat houses. It honestly feels like you’re a cow being corralled. The tight rooms make it nearly impossible to move around, and potentially are a health hazard. However, frat parties have been known to be an effective means for students to bond. Students emerge from parties having never felt closer to their fellow peers.

“I bumped into someone at the last party. I asked him if he wanted his sweat back,” said Caitlin Troutman, senior Oxbridge literature and theory major.

Troutman was trying to make her way across the dance floor because she spotted her friend, and when you find them, you need to get to them fast. Once you turn around, they are gone again. It’s hard to imagine how someone can get lost in such a small space, but you will frequently hear someone screaming “Have you seen (blank)?”

Another frustration students have with frat parties is getting there. The parking lot behind the frat circle fills up fast, and as Jewell students, it would be absurd to walk the quarter mile between the house and the dorms. But since we bought our ticket Tuesday, by golly we will make it even if we have to park at the baseball field and pile ten people into a Prius.

Even if you decide not to go, you can still join in on the fun. The music is so loud that you can definitely hear it if you open up your dorm room window. Why buy a ticket when you could bring the party to your room? Loud music isn’t always a bad thing. But bad music is even worse when it’s loud. A recent poll concluded that 89 percent of students claimed over half of their night was spent yelling “WHAT?” at someone who tried to talk to them from two feet away, and the other 11 percent is spent waiting in line for the bathroom.

Regrettably the least favorite part of frat parties is making eye contact in the cafeteria at brunch with the people who saw your hard core party dancing last night. Honestly, no one needs that. Save it for later.

Most importantly, we hate when our friends at other schools tell us about their frat parties. They just have it all wrong. After all, it can’t be a real frat party without an off-duty cop.

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